The first thing to do when you plan your wedding is to figure out what it is about a wedding that matters to you. What’s really important? Don't think that there is only one right answer to the question of what’s important. If I believed that it’s wrong to have an overly lavish wedding or a Halloween-themed wedding or any other particular kind of wedding, then I’d recommend that you listen to every word your wedding vendors (and other wedding “controllers”) say. I’d praise them when they feel compelled to point out to you that YOU are not a wedding professional. THEY are wedding professionals. THEY plan weddings all the time. What can YOU possibly know about planning a wedding?!
But i don’t believe that. I believe that you know something critical, that no wedding vendor on Earth can know better than you. You know YOUR dreams.
You know what YOU want, whether it’s a very typical thing to want from a wedding or a very unusual thing to want doesn’t matter to me at all. What I care about is that you come to the end of your wedding and think, “I made my dreams a reality,” not “I sure am glad I didn’t make my vendors do anything unusual!” I don’t care if what you want is average. Average is fine with me. Not average is fine with me. I care that you want it. No matter what “it” is (as long it’s not harmful to yourself or others, of course).
By "Figure out what matters," I don't mean, "Forget about all those fanciful details that you should be mature enough to know aren’t important.” Not at all.
If what matters to you is having swan-shaped ice sculptures twice the size of the ones your sister-in-law had, more power to you. There’s nothing wrong with what’s important to you about your wedding. It’s just that you need to know what it is. Then you need to convey that to others.
The process to getting the wedding of your dreams is as follows: 1. Know what’s important to you in your wedding. 2. Make it easy for others to know/remember what’s important to you in your wedding. 3. Watch others like a hawk to ensure that they create what’s important to you in your wedding.
EXERCISE
Ask yourself why you are having a wedding at all. Why not go down to the courthouse and get married in front of a judge tomorrow afternoon (or as soon as you can get a license)?
Think about that question carefully. Your answer to this question reveals a lot about what's important to you in your wedding planning.
If the first thing that pops into your head as a response is, "Oh, no, I can't elope. I've always pictured myself in the white dress with the veil and gloves, holding flowers," then you know that achieving those elements in your wedding is important to you.
If your response is, "I can't elope. I really want to have everyone I know in attendance," then you'll know that you should spend money on your guest list (in terms of affording food and space for all your guests) as you plan your wedding.
On the other hand, if your response is, "I can't elope. My mother would kill me" then maybe you should let your mother plan your wedding. Did that suggestion just give you the chills? Even if it didn't, you should really try to get an image of what you want from your wedding, or don’t bother having one.
Think about the courthouse thing again. Really get the image in your head. Today you're engaged. Tomorrow you and your man go to the courthouse and come out married. You're married forever. That's the end. How do you feel about that? What doesn't feel right to you? What elements of that image make you feel disappointed? Are you saying, "But I won't have any wedding photos to show my children" or what? Identify those elements of a wedding that it would really break your heart to live without. 1. Ask yourself: “Why do I need a wedding in addition to a marriage?” 2. “If I couldn’t have a wedding, what would I miss most?” 3. “What does that suggest is most important to me in my wedding?” 4. “What area of my wedding does that suggest I should spend the most money/effort on?”
Copy that list a few times and post it in strategic places around your home. By your phone and taped to your fiancé's head are a couple particularly good posting spots because those are likely things for you to be looking at when the wedding frustration rises too high, and you have to remind yourself why you started this extravaganza in the first place.
Just as an aside, if thinking about the courthouse wedding raises no negative feelings in you whatsoever, maybe you should consider it. There's nothing wrong with getting married the cheap and easy way. You can always throw a party or an anniversary "wedding" celebration some time in the future when your circumstances warrant it and your heart desires it. This is your wedding. Now that you know what you want, you can go out and get it.
(c) All Rights Reserved -- Debbie MacGuffie
--Debbie MacGuffie is a professional writer and the co-author of "Don't Let Them Ruin Your Wedding," a new ebook that will reveal the simple steps to keep your wedding vendors from wasting thousands of dollars of your wedding budget. Stop Them From Ruining Your Wedding
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